Okay, I get the big deal about teeth whitening. I went to LA in December and was dazzled by the smiles of all those people and felt a bit self-conscious about my own smile at times, even though apparently it’s my right as a British person to have bad teeth. So, I bought some teeth whitening strips which I need to start using again and break out of this crappy routine of going to bed late, waking up late and doing nothing all day. I just spent this Summer surrounded by some new friends from California who had the straightest, most blinding smiles I’ve seen for a while. So yeah, I get the appeal of having a nice, white smile.

But seriously?

SERIOUSLY?

I question these people’s marketing intentions. When I saw this ad, it didn’t really make me want to grab my coat, jump out of the window and risk breaking my legs so I could get on my merry way to whiter teeth. It made me grateful that my mother didn’t use me as a guinea pig for some strange experiment to get teeth whiter. Fair enough if it’s a dentist, but a MOM? Mom’s stay home, cook food and wash shit and occasionally cut you if you don’t clean your room. I think this mother needs a day job.

“Smile for the camera, honey! No, smile… that’s not the smile we talked about, honey. You’re not doing it right. Smile. SMILE. Smile now. Don’t make me get the taser, you little fucking piece of shit.”