This has really confused me for ages now, but how do people find the time to stop, pose and take about one thousand photos of each other when they go out?

I don’t have anything against this ‘camera whoring’, I’m just really curious about it. It’s started with websites such as Myspace and Facebook I suppose? But I don’t really get it, because when I go out with my friends I don’t really get the chance to tell everyone to shut up and stop what they’re doing and play vogue before temporarily blinding them with a camera. I mean with the Flash, not by pounding them between the eyes with it.
The reason I don’t get this chance is because my friends are all vampires, so they don’t really show in photos, which means I’m always the only person visible and it makes me look like a loner. No, really, that’s not an excuse for not having friends! I swear!

But seriously, I just enjoy their company way too much to think about breaking out my camera phone and just taking pointless photos. Isn’t that pretty much the purpose of friends; to enjoy their company? Isn’t taking out a camera and disrupting the flow of friendliness like taking our your Gameboy and ignoring everyone?
If you were in a war and everyone else was getting on with killing each other, you wouldn’t do that. A photo of you having your arm blown off by a grenade would make a pretty cool photo opportunity, but wouldn’t it be better to survive?
Yeah, that wasn’t a very good example.

But I still find it amazing how people get so many pictures like that as it’s something I just can’t do. I wish I could, but I don’t see the point and I’m usually just having way too much fun to think about taking any pictures. I suppose taking photos of each other doing stupid things can be fun too, but how do you find the time and opportunity to do something like that?!
And don’t get me started about the people who just want to take a photo with you when you’ve just met them. They’re either doing it so they can put it on a website or do some vodoo shit.

Here’s a photo I took from a year ago at a party we went to. As you can tell, this room is empty, therefore the party was somewhere else. But two girls wrapped themselves in curtains and starting taking pictures of each other. Unlike them though, I was taking the photo because I genuinely through there was some lesbian action going on… which is also the reason why Vikesh is inspecting; because he too, is a lesbian.
Dissapointingly, they weren’t being lesbians but just taking pictures to post on Myspace or some site like that.

Who goes to a party to take pictures of people like that? In my defence, I took the picture because I thought they were lesbians, which I’m sure any guy would have… I hope. For the most part, I was having fun with my friends and meeting other people and having fun with them. Not lesbian fun, but just fun. So I don’t see the logic in this.

I’ve tried this sort of thing before, but it wasn’t as exciting as some people make it out to be;

 
 
 

Sure, in most of them I didn’t really get them to pose or anything stupid which would give me a reason to frame them, add them to an album or get the photos tattoed to the inside of my eye lids. I did a bit of a paparazzi here, but when I have asked my friends to pose, I usually get a “why?” which I can’t really answer. Either that or a “fuck off”, which is fair enough.

It doesn’t seem Neel’s too into this camera whoring thing either by the looks of it…

 

 

 

 

Whereas Vikesh is too into it and is a great example of why I’m quite scared of it.

 

 

 

But I’m still curious about it and lately I’ve tried to get into it. A lot of people find it fun and I don’t get nearly enough life out of my camera phone as I should. Those poor 2 Megapixels are going to waste! So recently, I decided to use it like everyone else is when I was in the mood. Here’s what I got: 

 

Yeah… food. EXCITING, NO?
The real reason behind it is because I NEVER get to have sushi as I NEVER go into Central London which is pretty much the only place that sells it. And I’m NEVER awake early enough to get a McDonalds bagel, let alone take a photo of one.
I really can’t do it for some reason… the thought of making my friends pose and taking a photo just never crosses my mind when we’re shopping, eating, talking, getting drunk, when we’re ALREADY drunk, when we’re dancing, bowling, on the bus, on the train, etc. And I’m sure my friends feel the same way since they don’t really do it either. Maybe we’re old fashioned. I really don’t like it when people just take pictures of me when I’m eating or whatever, which is one reason I won’t use my excellent singing and acting talent for fame. Because I don’t have either.
I believe cameras should only be used for home security, models and as I demonstrated above; stalking potential lesbians. But I will master this camera whoring one way or another; the photos section on the site is more empty than Oprah’s lunchbox. Even if it’s just for satire and parody of the people who do have friends so boring that they have to amuse themselves with cameras all day, I WILL get my friends and myself on camera for no reason. But mainly me, because I’m better looking than all of them put together.

Hey Kunal! Have you passed your driving test yet?!

No, but I think I’ve developed a telepathic link to your brain because I just read your mind and I know you have!
Have I passed my driving test, that’s the most common question I’m being asked these days. More so than “how are you?” and even “would you like a large Pepsi and fries with that?”, which I get asked a lot because that KFC is finger lickin’ good.

Obviously I haven’t or I wouldn’t be waiting for the bus, would I? Or I would have parked my car on your face a long time ago. The possibilities are quite endless, but the real reason people ask these questions is because of course, they have passed their test. It’s kind of weird how all my younger cousins have got their licence- because they’re girls. I just learnt how to use an oven recently and they learnt how to drive a car. I seem to have walked through a mirror and landed in some kind of bizarro world.

I’m not the biggest fan of people who just talk to you so that they can outright brag about stuff. I’m quite a modest person, so I don’t do that. I mean, my friends don’t even know when my birthday us because I don’t tell them as I don’t want all the attention or to put pressure on them for getting me a present or whatever. The real reason for that of course is I don’t have friends to celebrate my birthday with.
For some reason though, most of my friends in the past were people who just couldn’t stop doing this. The most guilty culprit was my bisexual friend who decided to come out the closet and come out of their with VENGEANCE. Normally when gay people come out the closet, they do it slowly and with caution… my friend did it like Arnold Schwarzenegger; he filled the closet full of bullets from his machine gun, kicked down the door and made some kind of comment like: “I’m coming aht… so yoo bethea get this phaty stahted!” or “I’m bhak from Nhania! I tamed tha lhion but the vitch did nathing foh me!”

Or something to that effect. I didn’t really see him much after we got out of high school- which was of course, a boy’s only school. But we stayed in touch (without the touching) through MSN Messenger, but he really only spoke to me so he could talk about how gay he was. This went from the harmless tales about how he became a flyer boy for a gay nightclub and then he became a bit disturbing when he would just say “hello” and follow up with “a hunk totally raped me last night” and go into all the gory details. Examples:

Conversation 1

• Hey Kunal
• hey how are you
• meand Will hae broken up after i ended iton Tuesday. Work is difficult and i earn shit money, all in all a good week
  u?
• um
  itll be hard to top that

 Conversation 2

• Hey Kun
  I have a new bf

Conversation 3

• Hey you
• hey how r u
• Me and Kay have split up

That’s really just the tame stuff there. I guess it’s partly my fault for asking “how are you”, which to his defence he did answer. Although he really only sparked up conversation to tell me how a behemoth violated him the night before and how he’s finding it hard to walk. Then, after not speaking to him for 5 months:

• Well well well
• WELL HALLO THAR
• How are you?
• VERY NAICE U?
• Great thanks
  19 today

In case you couldn’t tell, I’m NOT the one with a pink font. Not that I have anything against pink; I think it’s a simply fabulous colour. Haha, and then there’s my other friend who would only really try and speak to me when he broke up with his girlfriend and made me her replacement. I remember at 12am when his birthday technically JUST began he sent out messages to people saying “happy birthday” just so they would give him attention.
I’m not a big fan of these people who are needy and just crave people to define them and make them feel good. Obviously I got tired of hearing about all the ways you anally probe a guy and how many times you can break up and make up with one girl for three years so I don’t speak to either of them too much anymore. Luckily, now I have other friends who when they initiate conversation, they actually do it to… you know. MAKE CONVERSATION. It’s usually about stupid stuff that makes no sense, but that’s good.

So yeah, I really don’t like it when people do that because they’re so easy to read. These days as soon as I pick up that someone’s doing it, I try and counter it. Like a while ago, an old friend who’s pretty spoilt and was bought a really flash BMW skipped the “have you passed your driving test” question and went straight into the full offensive by asking: “Do you have a car yet?”. I knew it was coming and had my answer prepared:
“No, your first car is kind of like your first girlfriend; you don’t want your parents to buy it for you.”
Don’t hold me to that, because I would actually prefer having a car being bought for me instead of actually not being lazy and earning it myself. And I feel exactly the same way about girlfriends. But it did shut him up for the rest of the night about his car and he didn’t bring it back up, so I win.

It’s kind of scary to think my cousin sisters are going to be driving around everywhere now. As members of the female sex, the roads- and streets will be more dangerous for it. I’m not too bothered about not being anywhere near passing my test though as it means I’ll just have to keep going down to the store near our house and top up my transport card from the lovely lady who works there, who has the softest hands EVER. And I would know; I get to touch them when I give her my money.
… wow, that’s the first and probably last time I’ll ever say that.

Come to think of it, maybe a car would make stalking her a bit more easier…

The guy who invented instant noodles is a damn genius. You require no special ingredients, skills, tools, patience or even a brain to make them. You just need water, and seeing as how the human body is made up of around 70% water, everyone should be able to eat instant noodles. Unless you’re like, in a blazing hot dessert and dehydrated to the point where you’re hallucinating and dying. But even then I’m sure the dry block of noodles would taste alright? I haven’t tried it, but I’m sure it would be like some kind of cookie… but more convenient, because it’s “instant”.

I like to call instant noodles ‘hero food’. No, not because it gives me the power to shoot laser beams out of my eyes and fly (that’s what magic mushrooms are for). I call it that because they’ve saved my life so many times, from assassination attempts, explosions and occasionally starvation.